By: Gretchen Sparling Date Posted: 3/1/2010 Printer Friendly Version Email Story to a Friend

We’ve all seen it happen. It’s the tail end of a game—whether it’s  a Select State Championship or a quick round of Candyland—and a loss seems imminent. Your otherwise good-spirited child dissolves into a puddle of tears, or worse, flies into a fit of rage. Before you pick up the pieces (literally and figuratively), consider your options. When the ball’s not in your child’s corner, there’s a lot you can do to help your little one bounce back.

There are more than 40 million American kids involved in competitive youth sports, and chances are yours is one of them. So what’s the driving force behind such record numbers? In most cases, the goal is simple. “Youth sports help your child learn life lessons about self-esteem, motivation, discipline and how to get along with others,” says Johnny Jones, the men’s basketball coach at the University of North Texas. “The focus of youth sports should be on the kids having fun.”

So when there’s a less-than-desired performance or the final score isn’t in a child’s favor, think fast. “Always praise your child’s effort, not the outcome of the game. You will help your child handle disappointments by modeling good behavior,” Jones says.

Verbally reviewing the “game film” in the car ride home may not be such a good idea. “If they want to talk about it, they will bring it up, but rehashing the game, putting down the refs, commenting on the bad coaching, et cetera, will not help,” says Dr. Trent A. Petrie, a professor and Director of the Center for Sport Psychology at the University of North Texas. “Instead, help them put the experience in perspective. Yes, losing can be disappointing, but much can be gained from that e

Model Sportsmanship The Center for Sport Psychology suggests these five tips for parents on how to be a better sport when it comes to your child’s athleticism. Educate yourself about the game. By understanding the game, you can appreciate what your child is doing and talk to him about his experiences. Understand and model appropriate sportsmanlike conduct. Encourage your child to talk to her coaches. Learning to communicate with an authority figure is a skill that your children will need for the rest of their lives. Limit your use of incentives (like a dollar earned per point scored). Help your child develop internal motivation. Remember that the game belongs to the players. It is their time to shine, grow and even make mistakes.

xperience in terms of learning about oneself, how to handle adversity, how to focus on the things that you can control, and what really is important in life.”

Be sure to keep things in perspective, because your children take their cues from you. “Yes, acknowledge and empathize with the child’s disappointment, but then talk with them about the positives that did exist in the performance,” says Petrie. Did they have fun? Did they get to be with friends they don’t normally see outside of school? Are they learning to nail a new skill or did they achieve a personal best? Are they working well with others? Look for the good in every situation. “Taking such an approach can really help children develop an intrinsic motivation and the ability to regulate their effort and emotions,” Petrie says.

Parents should also remember that kids have a motivation all their own. They want their parents to be proud of them. “Attend your child’s game and give [him] encouragement and support by showing interest in [his] team,” Jones says.

It’s important for kids to know that their parents love and care about them no matter what the outcome of the game or competition, Petrie adds. He should know. He has a 15-year-old daughter who plays select soccer and starts on her high school varsity team as a freshmen. “After telling her I love her, I ask her if it was fun to play today. We rarely talk about the outcome and, if we do, I let her bring that up.”

Jones shares the same perspective. “Make sure they understand your love is unconditional and you will be proud of them because of their efforts,” he says. “The best advice to give your children is to let them know that true champions take victory and defeat in the same way.”